This is certainly not what I had thought I’d post for my first real blog entry here, but it is what it is.

I’ve been walking around for a few days now feeling out-of-sorts…in general…just down. I fight being in this place because I know historically what that means for me…and it’s not good…so here I am…tired…down and exhausted from the struggle to stay positive.

I woke up this morning with this phrase dancing round my brain “I hold pain”. So I’m going with it. I hold pain inside my body…I hold pain inside my heart…I hold pain inside my mind and I hold pain inside my soul.

I don’t like that I hold pain…but I own it. Merely saying I own it isn’t enough though….it’s like “owning” it just makes it a stagnant thing…and I need and crave fluidity. I want to progress, move on, learn….flow.

So here I sit thinking of ways to put motion to inertia…that I may feel the breath of positive thought and life once again…but this pain keeps wrapping it’s tentacles round me…leaving me motionless and sad.

I breathe in and think “I can do this” , I exhale and try to release. I breathe in and think “I’m worthy”, I exhale and try to believe. I breathe in and think “All is well”, I exhale and try to feel the flow.

Release, release, release…please Justene…just release…for this moment…for this day…just release…let it all go…surrender the pain…detoxify.

I’m leaving this as is…my life is a work in progress…deal with it